A Sneak Peek at Some Upcoming Editions of Rock Band

It’s a given that the upcoming Rock Band: The Beatles, is going to be a huge, huge success, and the hope is that it will simultaneously spur both the gaming and music industries. Which is why many many more bands are jumping on the Rock Band, er, bandwagon.

Yesterday, on Twitter, of all places, it was revealed that artists such as Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, U2, and The Rolling Stones all have editions in the pipeline. Naturally, each version has its own idiosyncrasies, based upon the artist to which it is dedicated. Since a lot of you still aren’t on the Twitter, I thought that I would give you a sneak peek at what you can expect when you buy some of the upcoming special editions of Rock Band.

  • Rock Band: Led Zeppelin will come with its own violin bow, lemon, and shark.
  • Rock Band: Ramones will only have one song. Repeated 135 times.
  • Rock Band: The White Stripes will deduct points if you hit more than one of the drum pads at any given time.
  • If the first edition of Rock Band: Pink Floyd is a huge success, subsequent editions will have songs about how much you suck for making it a success, and how you don’t really play the game right.
  • Rock Band: Prince will force you to play all of the instruments at the same time.
  • Rock Band: The Grateful Dead will deduct points if you don’t play it for at least four hours in a single session.
  • Rock Band: Bob Dylan will deduct points if you sing all of the words exactly as they come up onscreen.
  • You will have to reprogram the colored buttons in order to play Rock Band: Sonic Youth.
  • Rock Band: Bruce Springsteen won’t start a song until you’ve told a story for at least two minutes.
  • Every time you play Rock Band: U2 absolutely perfectly, an indebted country becomes debt-free.
  • Rock Band: The Hold Steady will only allow you to sign in as either “Charlemagne” or “Holly.”
  • Rock Band: Oasis will deduct points if the singer smiles or looks at the television. It will add points if the guitar player is also the singer.
  • Rock Band: The Rolling Stones will require that you play the same 20 songs for 30 years.
  • As will Rock Band: The Who.
  • Rock Band: The Red Hot Chili Peppers will only be available in California
  • Sometimes Rock Band: Sly and the Family Stone will boot up, sometimes it won’t.
  • Rock Band: Creedence Clearwater Revival will sue you if you actually play any of its songs.
  • Rock Band: Fallout Boy will cry if you don’t play it perfectly.
  • Rock Band: Neil Young has been delayed until 2029.
  • Rock Band: Boston and Rock Band: The Violent Femmes will only be good the first time you play them.
  • The first edition of Rock Band: Pearl Jam will be incredibly popular, but they will then put out later editions designed to make it less popular.
  • Rock Band: Ryan Adams will never quite live up to its potential.
  • Rock Band: Elvis Presley will be a hero to most, but it will never mean shit to me. It will be available for a short period of time, but after that, some people will swear they can find it on eBay. There will be many knock-offs.
  • Rock Band: David Bowie will be a different game each time you play it.

(Hat tip to whichever AVCC person came up with this concept!)

One Response to “A Sneak Peek at Some Upcoming Editions of Rock Band”

  1. Haha great entry here. I have to admit I must agree with you about rockband Who and Rolling stones Only I think your timeline of 30 years is shorting it just a bit. As long as there are new ways to present the music, these artists will remain in the headlines. Honestly, I am looking forward to seeing more up to date artists come on board.