Next Year on FOX: The Joe The Plumber Reality Series

Well, it’s now official: Joe The Plumber — thrust in the spotlight by his newfound close personal friend John McCain — has officially endorsed Senator McCain for President. This should be a surprise to absolutely nobody. While Mr. The Plumber has heretofore demurred as to whom he was supporting, he continually undermined those demurrals by saying how much worse his life would be if Senator Obama became President Obama.

However, Medialoper has it on good authority that Mr. The Plumber — real name Samuel J. Wurzelbacher — should actually be rooting for Senator Obama. Because the FOX network is going to put his beliefs to the test!!

That’s right, if Obama wins, look for The Joe The Plumber’s Real America Show reality series on FOX next year! According to our sources, it will be “in the tradition of The Hills,” as we follow Wurzelbacher’s attempt to actually earn more than $250,000 in 2009, and thereby qualify to have his taxes raised by Obama.

If he makes that much money and has his taxes raised, then he wins!

Of course, The Joe The Plumber’s Real America Show will be positioned to be more like the anti-The Hills, since it’s about a guy in the Real America, not the Unreal America. However, like The Hills, it will be tightly scripted, and the source has also given me the outlines of just the episodes we will see next year on The Joe The Plumber’s Real America Show, as Joe The Plumber shows us what life is like in his Real America:

  • Samuel J. Wurzelbacher’s attempt to legally change his name to “Joe The Plumber.” Since he was neither a “Joe” nor a licensed plumber, it had been suggested in some quarters that calling him that was misleading, like “Compassionate Conservative,” “protecting marriage” and “PATRIOT Act.” Joe wants to set these people straight.
  • His legal battle — unsuccessfully — to get “joetheplumber.com” from a guy in Texas who registered it back in 2007. Failing that, he instead registers “joetheplumberonfox.com.”
  • The riveting “Going after his Plumber’s License” episode. Joe hits the books! Featuring the studying montage set to — what else — “Eye of the Tiger.” It goes without saying that he gets his license, thereby sticking it right in the face of the Unreal Americans who want to around licensing things like guns and plumbers and airline pilots.
  • Then, of course, there is the “Plumber’s Crack” episode. In this sure-to-be-controversial show, Joe decries the myth of “Plumber’s crack,” explaining that the idea arose because of the Liberal Media Conspiracy Against Plumbers. It will be interspersed with clips from the classic Saturday Night Life skit with Dan Ackroyd, which Joe believes started it all. Joe will explain how he wanted to kick Ackroyd’s ass for years, but changed his mind when he started watching According to Jim.
  • For sweeps month: Joe The Plumber finds love! A series of episodes where Joe turns the tables, and auditions several women for the honor of being his “Very Special Lady.” Each woman has to come to his house and unclog the drain in his master bathroom. Of course, we won’t actually see how handy each woman is with the plumber’s tools, but we will hear it.

Naturally, there’s a twist: in the very last episode, just as it seems like Joe’s failed to meet his goal, it will be revealed that FOX paid him $250,000 just for being on the show! Real America wins after all! Just for keeping it Real!

We fade out with a crane shot pulling out from the swanky new house that Joe The Plumber and his Very Special Lady have just purchased.

And in the end, there will be no doubt that The Joe The Plumber’s Real America Show has taught us all a very valuable lesson about life in the Real America.

Then, coming in 2010: The Joe The Plumber Runs For Congress Show. Catch it, on FOX!!

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