Why Gene Simmons Hates You

You know what, music fans? You suck. You know how I know that? Because Gene Simmons thinks that you killed the record industry.

Look, when I was your age, a band like KISS would come out with an album, and it would get played on the radio, and then you would ride my bike down to Tower Records and buy the album.

Multiply that action by millions of kids — an army! — and boom! the guys in KISS were zillionaires. Just like that. It was all so simple. It didn’t even matter of those albums were mostly singles and filler, because that’s how the game was played.

And nobody ever played it better than KISS, who were — all things considered — an OK hard rock pop band with a handful of undeniable songs, but not all-time-greats. Not musically.

As marketers, however, they were the best ever. Not even Madonna comes close to the sheer marketing chops that KISS showed from day one. Until, that is, the market changed.

Well, actually, at first, the changing market worked well for KISS. Remember all of those “classic” albums they released in the 1970s? They got to release them again on CD in the 1980s!! And again on remastered CD in the 1990s!!

This was all great for Gene Simmons, because it was never about the music for Gene; rather, it was always about the money. If they inadvertently wrote a dozen or so classic songs en route towards that money, then great! Otherwise, just as long as those revenue streams kept flowing, it didn’t matter.

And it was all good.

Until the market changed again. You damn kids, what with your downloads and internets and such, you became the market. And then, do you know what happened?

You killed the record industry. The record industry that made Gene Simmons rich beyond anything that you’ll ever see. And he knows it. Boy, does he know it.

Gene – who starred in reality TV show ‘School of Rock’ – said: “The record industry is dead. It’s six feet underground and unfortunately the fans have done this. They’ve decided to download and file share. There is no record industry around so we’re going to wait until everybody settles down and becomes civilised. As soon as the record industry pops its head up we’ll record new material.”

It wasn’t record company greed, or an inability to come to terms with digital distribution, or the inability to nurture artists on a long-term basis when their first couple of albums tank (KISS would have been dropped long before Alive! in today’s climate), nope, none of those things mattered.

It was you. You! You and your stupid minds! Stupid! STUPID!!

And so you will be punished. No more KISS albums for you. Plenty of tours, TV shows, carnivals, coffins, ring tones, etc. But no more new music. Not now, maybe not ever. That oughta learn ya.

Gene wants you to sit for a while until you realize what you did. By killing the music industry, you made Gene Simmons slightly less rich than he otherwise would have been.

You bastards! No wonder he hates you.

4 Responses to “Why Gene Simmons Hates You”

  1. will says:

    I’d stick the knife in the back of rock and roll myself just to make sure I never had to hear KISS again.

  2. noproblem says:

    face it , he’s right.. even if you don’t wanna hear a new kiss record, the premise holds true for any big band..why should they spends thousands of $ and many hours not to get paid for it ?

  3. Jim says:

    Er, artistic satisfaction? Bob Dylan has been touring for years, and he never needs to make a record ever again. But every few years or so, he puts out another batch of songs.

    Just the existence of those songs — especially if the fanbase likes the record — helps to spur interest in his tour.

    Same goes for R.E.M. or U2 or the Rolling Stones or the Eagles or any big band.

  4. Tim G. says:

    As far as I’m concerned, KISS stopped recording anything worthy listening to post-Dynasty. They went into a period of suckage that they never recovered from. So, methinks that Gene and the boys helped kill their recording careers. But they haven’t stopped touring and marketing their stuff, so they are making money. Not sure why Simmons even cares anymore. Not like he was ever considered a huge music mensch anyway. Nowadays Gene, you tour and sell t-shirts to make money. Don’t be lazy!

    That said, I’m a huge KISS fan. But only up to aforementioned Dynasty. KISS, to me, was always about the live experience anyway. So, hit the road Gene and stop bitching.