A couple of weeks ago I wrote about Michael Eisner’s outlandish new investment, Team Baby, a video production company that produces and manufactures college sports videos for infants and toddlers ages 6 months to 5 years. The videos are designed to indoctrinate extremely young children into the cult of college sports. While the idea sounded insane at the time, it’s actually gotten worse. Team Baby has just signed deals with the NBA, Major League Baseball, and NASCAR.
Baby Badger is one thing, and I don’t mind if you insist on dressing your baby like Jorge Posada, but Baby NASCAR really crosses the line. If these videos catch on there’s absolutely no hope for the youth of America.
Company founder Greg Scheinman, apparently realizes he might have some challenges toning NASCAR down for toddlers. As he told the LA Times:
The cars do crash; we can’t sugar coat that. And we won’t have beer ads….
Good call on the beer ads. Save those for Baby Frat Boy.
Instead, Scheinman says the videos will focus on the more educational aspects of NASCAR, like the fact that wheels are round. Uh, ok. And what else?
If the theory is that you need to start indoctrinating children at an early age, why don’t we start by indoctrinating them with things that really matter? How about Baby Fuel Efficiency or Baby Environmental Protection? Instead we’re creating a future generation of beer drinking NASCAR dads (not that there’s anything wrong with that), which should tie in nicely with the Church of Scientology’s plans to start recruiting NASCAR fans.
Enough of my ranting. You will never hear me speak of Team Baby again. Unless, of course, they launch Baby NHL.