Album: Pleased to Meet Me
Year: 1987
. . .
I’m in love, what’s that song?
“Alex Chilton” just might be the greatest song Paul Westerberg ever wrote.
It might be possible that even Paul thinks so, as when The Replacements came back to TV and did a song on the Jimmy Fallon show — a video which is no longer available, because fuck nbc.com — the song they chose was “Alex Chilton.”
And why not? “Alex Chilton” is an absolutely tremendous song, in the small but grand rock ‘n’ roll tradition of artists writing about artists, a thing that kinda took off in the 1980s, though there were precursors going back to David Bowie’s “Song For Bob Dylan” or even the Sex Pistols “New York.” I mean, Paul himself wrote a song about Hüsker Dü on their first album (which wasn’t nearly good as The Posies titanic “Grant Hart” in the mid-1990s.).
Shit, in 1987, the Replacements had two song released about them: They Might Be Giants future Certain Song: “We’re The Replacements” and “The Replacements Song” by the Furies. And I’m sure over the years there were more between those and the more recent things like Art Brut’s “The Replacements” where millennial Eddie Argos wonders “How have I only just found out about the Replacements?”
In any event, “Alex Chilton” is the greatest song one musician ever wrote about another musician. And right from the start, as it instantly bounces out of the speakers, all big chords and bigger drums that keep on as Paul professes his love.
If he was from Venus, would he feed us with a spoon?
If he was from Mars, then that’d be cool
Standing right on campus, would he stamp us in a file?
Hangin’ down in Memphis all the while
Interestingly enough, these lyrics are a little bit impressionistic, almost Dylanesque — not usually Paul’s mode — and have provoked quite a bit of speculation on genius, including whether or not Paul sings “standing right on campus” or “attending a riot on campus,” but as far as I’m concerned the verses of “Alex Chilton” are so overshadowed by the chorus that I’ve never really thought about them that hard. I’m too busy singing the chorus. All together now:
And children by the millions wait for Alex Chilton
When he comes ’round
They sing, “I’m in love
What’s that song?
Yeah, I’m in love
With that song”
I will accept all arguments that this chorus is the greatest thing that the Replacements ever recorded. First off, the internal rhyme of “children,” “millions” and “Chilton” is all the more awesome because it’s not quite a perfect rhyme. There’s also the backing “oooooooohs,” provided by Paul and Production Assistant James “Vito” Lancaster, which set up the greatest tribute one musician could give another one: “I’m in love. What’s that song? I’m in love, with that song.”
Remember the first time you heard a song, any song, and you knew that you’d be taking that song to your grave? It’s like the first time I heard “Safe European Home” or “Jokerman” or “Fall on Me” or “September Gurls” or many many other songs. Instant, and forever.
And even better, it turns out that the catchy-as-fuck opening riff is also under that part, plus they add handclaps(!). And not just handclaps, but the shittiest-sounding, weirdest-timed handclaps ever. I’m more attuned to handclaps as part of a great song than just about anything else and it took me forever to figure out what they were.
Cerebral rape and pillage in a village of his choice
Invisible man who can sing in a visible voice
Feeling like a hundred bucks, exchanging good lucks face to face
Ch-checkin’ his stash by the trash at St. Mark’s Place
Once again, there’s a lot going on here: the amazing internal rhymes, the concept of “cerebral rape and pillage” and even the joke of “feeling like a hundred bucks,” which is the inverse of the millions who really aren’t waiting for Alex Chilton
One of the more subtle things about “Alex Chilton” is that it’s structured like “September Gurls:” Intro Riff, Verse 1, Chorus, Verse 2, Chorus, Bridge, Solo, Verse 3, Chorus (extended), Outro riff. Which, BTW, wasn’t an uncommon song structure for Paul, as it’s pretty classic.
Also classic, the bridge: short, sweet and simple, with Chris Mars stopping the song for just a second before the solo.
I never travel farrrrrr
Without a little Big Starrrr
And with an “ooooooooooh” Paul restarts the song with a longish, tightly controlled solo, after which he dives into the third verse, adding a couple of leads in the middle of it. And here’s what I hear him sing:
Runnin’ ’round the house, Mickey Louse and tarot cards
Falling asleep with a pop pop video on
And if he was from Venus, would he meet us on the moon?
If he died in Memphis, then that’d be cool, babe
At this point, you’re probably sure how “Alex Chilton” is gonna end. One or two last choruses, even more ramped up that the first one, and at first those expectations are met as they roar into the beginning: “Children by the millions wait for Alex Chilton to come arou-wou-oun-ohh-ohhh.”
And then the unexpected happens. They pull back. The electric guitars have disappeared, and instead, it’s just a couple of acoustic guitars: one keeping the rhythm, the other playing an almost mandolin-like lead. But, of course, they keep the handclaps, because you never get rid of the handclaps. Ever.
They sing, “I’m in love
What’s that song?
I’m in love
With that song
I’m in love
What’s that song?
Yeah, I’m in love
With that song”
And then the electric guitars come back and with Paul screaming “ooh” a couple more times, bring “Alex Chilton” to its end. And now, here’s my question: WHY THE FUCK WASN’T THIS A MASSIVE HIT SINGLE? Why didn’t children by the millions sing “Alex Chilton” when it came on?
In 1987, not only was it possible for an “alternative” identified bands to have huge hits, it was a prime year. The top single for the whole year was “Walk Like an Egyptian” by The Bangles, U2 had that triptych of singles from The Joshua Tree, R.E.M. broke pop with “The One I Love,” Suzanne Vega scored with “Luka,” and even the fucking Georgia Satellites hit it with “Keep Your Hands to Yourself.”
And I think the answer lies in the simple fact that all of those songs were accompanied by memorable videos. Or at least videos that made it seem like the band gave a shit. And while the video for “Alex Chilton” was less of an anti-video than the ones for the Tim songs, but not that much more. So the answer is good old-fashioned Replacements self-sabotage. One foot in the door, the other one in the gutter.
“Alex Chilton”
“Alex Chilton” Official Video
“Alex Chilton” Rough Mix from Upcoming Box Set (Slower, with different lyrics)
“Alex Chilton” live in St Paul, 2014
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