Album: folklore
Year: 2020
. . .
I guess if there is one song on folklore that takes me straight back to the long, hot, smokey, scary-ass summer of 2020, it would be the quietly desperate “this is me trying,” an orchestral slice of simmering shimmer that reminds me of a deep Bob Dylan cut. Not a random deep Bob Dylan cut, but a specific deep Bob Dylan cut: “Something’s Burning Baby” from 1985’s Empire Burlesque.
Now, I doubt that Taylor Swift and Jack Antonoff had that song in mind when they put down the instrumentation for “this is me trying,” and the vocals and melodies couldn’t be more different, but both songs create their own moods, centered around quiet desperation. In the case of “this is me trying,” its about alcohol addiction and the kind of desperation that stems from and contributes to it, as delineated in the devastating second verse.
They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere
Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here
Pouring out my heart to a stranger
But I didn’t pour the whiskey
All of which leads to the utterly melancholy chorus. Which is of course, also, ridiculously gorgeous, as multiple overdubbed echo-y Taylors sing.
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
At least I’m trying
That last “at least I’m trying” is such a sigh that until I read the lyrics online I thought she was doing a Yoda and singing “there is no trying.” Either way, it’s a hint that she’s not writing exactly about herself, because if there is one thing that Taylor Swift doesn’t have explain to anybody, it’s that she’s trying. Always putting in the effort, the work.
While “this is me trying” wasn’t released as a single, it got enough attention to land at #39 on the Billboard Hot 100, and even better, landed at #9 on Billboard’s Hot Rock & Alternative songs chart. Oh, it also made #13 on Rolling Stone’s Top 100 chart, though that was probably just Rob Sheffeld voting for it a bunch of times.
“this is me trying”
“this is me trying” Long Pond Studio Sessions
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