In this day and age, it’s easy to make fun of a show like the Emmys. There is a wealth of good-to-great TV shows, and variances in taste make it impossible to definitively come up with a list of nominees, let alone winners, that have some kind of consensus.
However, the Emmys, gods-bless-’em, keep trying to figure out how. Last year, they instituted blue-ribbon panels to come up with nominees, and since that failed miserably (any nomination for Grey’s Anatomy is a nomination too many), this year, they are trying a different approach.
They’ve turned the nominating process into an essay contest. No, seriously. An essay contest.
Academy insiders said the new essay rule was introduced to address last year’s concern that serialized shows like “Lost” fare poorly in the blue ribbon screenings — where the show’s complex mythology baffles voters who haven’t been watching.
Now, producers will be given a chance to briefly explain the context of the episode they’ve submitted. Essays can be as long as 250 words (handy for a heavily layered show like “Lost” or “Heroes”) or as few as five words (for shows that are self-explanatory, like “CSI”).
Translation: we give up. We don’t want to be bothered with understanding your goddamned complex show with its huge, crazy-ass backstory and mythology. You want a fucking Emmy nomination? Then tell us why that smoking hot blond-haired model who posed for Playboy is a robot that only the twitchy, greasy-haired guy can see. Tell us why we need to be bothered with the girl detective. Tell us why we should care about the Baltimore police force or the fast-talking single mom who raised her daughter by herself?
Because we don’t want to be bothered with learning the backstory of these weird-ass shows. Hell we don’t want to be bothered with actually watching these shows. Unless they’re set in a hospital or crime lab. We understand those places. Hey, why couldn’t the girl detective work in a crime lab? Or maybe be a candy-striper for a crusty, cranky (but lovable) doctor?
So instead of showing us your series, please tell us about your series. You see, we read once that Television has become a writer’s medium, so we figure that the people who can write the best about TV should get nominated.
It makes way more sense than actually taking the time to watch the shows, don’t you think?