Dear Major League Baseball,
As you know, I am a lifelong San Francisco Giant fan. Since the days of Mays, Marichal and McCovey. However, I now live in the Los Angeles area, so my access to their games is much more limited than it was when I lived in the Bay Area. Boo-hoo for me.
So a couple of years ago, missing you a lot, I came very close to getting your “Extra Innings” package, but in the end, I didn’t. You were very expensive, and I wasn’t quite there finanancially. I was stuck with whatever I could get from the great ESPN broadcasts and those brutally awful FOX broadcasts. But I missed my Giants broadcasts — Krukow and Kuiper, especially. Now I have the scratch, but I can’t, because you — Major League Baseball — have decided to limit the availability of your package to a single provider: DirectTV.
Why? I can only conclude it’s because you hate me, and don’t want me to watch my beloved Giants on a regular basis.
I suppose that you think I’m being paranoid, thinking that you is singling me out somehow. You’re gonna say that it’s not just me that you are jilting. You are going to point out that DirectTV only reaches 16% percent of your potential fanbase, which is almost the exact percentage that your previous setup didn’t reach. That — like the hometown girl who made it into Playboy — you now hang out at exclusive clubs too good for the likes of me.
And to be fair — because I love you and all, for the last couple of years, I was part of that small group that you weren’t reaching. After a couple years of carrying it, my cable company — which I won’t name, but rhymes with “non-STARTER” — stopped offering the Extra Innings package. But I expect my cable company to hate me and treat me with contempt. After all, I only give them $100 per month, so why should they give me any love whatsoever?
But Baseball. Baseball, you and me have a special relationship! Why hast thou forever forsaken me?
Is it because I’m a Giants fan, and a longtime Bonds apologist, even though he’s pretty much become an embarassment to all involved?
Is it because I’ve won my Fantasy Baseball League three years in a row, now? And you feel that the data that Yahoo! supplies me should be given to them at a fee? And even though you lost that particular money-grab, you may be trying again?
Is it because I think that Pete Rose belongs in the Hall of Fame? And when I visited it a couple of years ago, I noticed that he was in about four separate exhibits — because he was just that great on the field — and yet he’s kept off of the ballot?
Is it because I think that Bud Selig is the worst Commissioner you’ve ever ever had, having done only one thing right — the wildcard — in the entire time that he’s been the Commissioner?
Is it because I think that FOX shouldn’t be telecasting those playoffs that I love so much?
Some people might say it’s because y’all are a bunch of money-grubbing whores who don’t give a rats ass what your most loyal fans think. But not me, Major League Baseball, it’s gotta be something that I did wrong.
Please let me know, Major League Baseball, so I can fix it, and you’ll love me again as much as I love you!