The Truth About Pluto’s Demotion

Today, in shocking news, Pluto was demoted from Planetary status to something called a “Dwarf Planet.”

The official story by the International Astronomical Union was that Pluto was too small to be an actual planet, and thus the demotion. But why was Pluto considered a planet for all of those years? And why so suddenly, when just a couple of days ago, Pluto’s planetary status seemed assured? And will, as a Dwarf Planet, it be forced to change its name to “Gimli?”

In a Medialoper Multiverse Exclusive, we have learned the shocking truth about Pluto’s demotion.

Sources with the International Astronomical Union told us that Pluto’s has tested positive for something called PGH, or Planetary Growth Hormone.

“That’s how it was able to fool Clyde Tombaugh and everybody else for all of those years,” said one scientist, “and of course, you have to consider the times: during the Great Depression, people were crying out for a new planet. And so many looked the other way when — all of a sudden — this object just suddenly showed up. We were all too happy to ask too many questions.”

The PGH went undetected for all of those years because scientists hadn’t been able to devise tests for it until very recently.

When contacted by Medialoper, Pluto denied any wrongdoing, saying that it had no idea how the PGH got into its core, and furthermore, predicted that it would be exonerated as soon as the “B” sample was tested.

The debate has already started on whether or not Pluto will make the Planetary Hall of Fame, with some scientists pointing out that it had 75 good years prior to this scandal, and others figuring it for a cheat from the very start. It is eligible for the Hall of Fame five years after the Sun goes supernova.

• Pluto demoted, no longer considered a true planet