Let me tell you: I was TiVo 1G (that would be TiVo first generation for those of you who aren’t up with the lingo) before most of you knew what TiVo was. I haven’t watched a commercial in years. This makes for some uncomfortable moments during the upfronts, but I can fake it like nobody’s business. “Yeah sure,” I say, “I totally dug that coffee commercial. Made me cry.”
Inside, I’m all, “Sucker.”
Poorly kept insider secret: we don’t watch network television. Not only has TiVo saved our butts, but if you want something, you get a screener. Who has time to sit through all those promos. I mean, who cares what’s coming on next? I mean, it’s gonna get cancelled in a few episodes anyway. Why should I become emotionally involved? If it’s any good, they’ll put it on DVD and I can bum a copy from a friend I know who works at the studio. Why waste my time?
So here’s the deal. I didn’t read the fine print — i.e., my boss’s email — closely. Not only am I supposed to check out the Internet, I am to spend the summer without TiVo. No borrowing screeners (el bosso has eyes in many places). No nothing. I have to pretend like I’m a normal person with normal stuff watching normal television.
My life is over. Then again, if I do all this and more, I am so golden for a decent bonus next year. It’s like giving blood over and over.
I hear there’s a new series from the dudes who made Deadwood coming on HBO like next week. Which is a good thing because there’s nothing to watch. Okay, one more Soprano’s. One. That’s it. Otherwise nothing worth watching is on. I might as well give up now. There is nothing to watch on television right now. I suppose I could get into hockey, but, well, I’m not going to get into hockey.
So I’ve checked out this Internet thing — heck, I even updated my MySpace. New photo. Added a few friends. You know, the usual. But here’s something so cool. There was this show called The Nine. It was about some people who were held hostage in a bank or something. Couple of people I know thought it was okay. I meant to check it out.
Now I can!
No, I’m not going to cheat. I am going to use this thing my sister’s boyfriend told me about. Basically you can download anything you want for free. Yeah, I know, blah, blah, blah about the piracy. Is it my fault that it’s not television? Is it my fault that it’s not on iTunes (which I am allowed to use, per the email)? I didn’t even know it was good until someone told me and then it was cancelled and I was too busy to get the screener and then, well, I kind of forgot. I have a life.
But I can get it from BitTorrent. Which I know violates some sort of corporate policy (meaning I have to do the downloads at home), but it’s not like I have a choice. There is nothing else to watch.
My bonus had better be really good. Or I’m totally moving to this start-up my buddy told me about.